Arrowhawks Hockey

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We're so amazing I can't stand it

If you feel like you're old and fat, you probably are. At least that's been my experience. If you feel inclined to attend a drop-in or begin skating some of the Chiller's classes to improve your mad skill, that'd be a good idea. The rest of the league has gotten younger, faster and better looking (at least according to Mac). To counteract their improvement, we've implemented a three step off-season program:

Step 1: 14 beer limit per week -- research has shown that people who drink more than 14 beers per week are generally less in shape than those who don't.

Step 2: No more smoking -- for those of you who smoke, please stop. It's a bad habit and it may lead to all sorts of nasty health problems like missing teeth and bad acting jobs with one of those throat boxes like the South Park character. If you do choose to smoke, please buy a round of beers before you leave the table at the bar. 

Step 3: Skate fast, stick down, wait for Mark to pass it to you -- Our beloved captain Mark Monahan will remain with the club this summer, despite having several schedule conflicts. When he's on the ice, don't make fun of his 'SIR' comments toward the refs -- he hates that. He's very polite and responsible in both zones. If you're not, you must become a better two-way player. If the Jackets can do it, so can you. 

*DISCLAIMER -- The Eskimos are an excellent team and overall a good group of guys. We hate that. It'd be easier to hate them if they were a pain in the ass and hated charity organizations, but they don't. Still dislike their sweaters though and mismatched socks.

Listen here.. i may be fat, but i am not old.. and I don't think there is one better looking person in the league than me... I asked my mom and she said definitely no one better looking! Andrew Appelhans

I'm sorry Andrew, but I've seen you and there's a reason you aren't a Hollywood star. Rick Titus